My mental toolbox* is not fully equipped. Some quite critical utensils are still missing. Let’s see now.
What I have got so far is:
1. The Maul of Martyrdom™ (effective in the prevention of self-victimization, but unfortunately not a cure for bullheadedness). This one I try to use in arguments in which there is a risk for (unnecessary) self-inflicted blame. I’ve had the Maul for almost ten years and it remains my favorite tool.
2. The Original Inflatable Lake of Oblivion™ with an interchangeable plank – in case you need to get rid of a corrupted piece of information/person
3. The “Somebody Else’s Problem” – Shield Generator™ (used daily). I think this was invented by Douglas Adams! What a fabulous invention it is! I keep the generator fully charged, because I need it more often than I should. For example in the office cafeteria.
4. The Bouncy Suit™ – for situations in which the muggles try to knock me down.
5. The Magic Silver Lining™ – with the sort of velcro that will attach itself to anything
6. Jukebox of the Soul™ – “Suitable background/theme music for any occasion”. Mine overfloweth with Threshold, Poets of the Fall, Paula Cole, Sarah McLachlan, Sieges Even, Dream Theatre and … JORN!
That’s it. That’s all I have. It’s okay for handling your standard, everyday fan-hitting materials and Adam’s bad seeds. But there is one tool that I do not have that I absolutely definitely completely need.
– The Layer Peeler™ –
This is the tool that is able to peel away a corner of reality (which I believe is very much like a sticker) and reveal the layers upon layers beneath. I need it bad. I have been looking for this tool ever since I read “Once” by James Herbert some years ago. The idea that kinda blew my mind was the one about christmas lights. Why we like to put them up and love them so much? Because somewhere in the dark and musty corners of our magical memory, we remember *fairies*. We remember how this world is MORE. And now we have something made in Hong Kong just because we refuse to believe that there is something beneath our veneer of wisdom and civilization. Mind. Blown. (Yeah, I am probably home alone with this insight, but that’s fine and dandy).
I used to think that if only I could find this tool, it would eliminate all fear. It would finally provide the proof that I need. About life eternal, about the velvety richness of reality. I used to think that I needed this tool for the unavoidable situation, you know, when someone you love with your soul is suddenly taken away. So I have read hundreds of books (some of them nilly willy silly, some carefully crafted artwork by Neil Gaiman), surfed the chopped seas of the net and listened to lyrics that make me dizzy. The tool keeps eluding me, however, like a chimera that moves away with every step I take. It does not wish to be found.
So, I have come to the conclusion that perhaps it is important to stay incomplete. Maybe it is important not to have all the mental tools at hand. Maybe we are all designed to walk on the wire. When it’s windy. When it is raining herring. When someone just tied your shoelaces together. Maybe the Layer Peeler™ is meant for “restricted personnel only”. It is probably hanging right there on the wall, behind the door that says STAFF ONLY. Well, at least I still have my Bouncy Suit™. I’ll just play “Tidal” by Sieges Even on my Jukebox of the Soul™ and close my eyes.
Meanwhile, the BEST tools I have are the people who catch me when I fall. The people who bring me tea and get the fire going. And that alone … is exquisitely WONDERFUL.
** The collected insights, beliefs, ideas and fine-tuned attitude tools that are absolutely necessary for the survival in this world where people try to pin you down, some pretty unfair shit goes down on a daily basis, where martyrdom is the easy way out and bad tempers spread like some kind of evil pollen.